The Blessing and Challenges of Adoption

Adopting a child or adolescent is a complex decision that carries many hidden aspects that need consideration. Some will say that love alone can cure all problems. While loving adoptive parents is critical, more will be expected when making this decision. Choosing a child to adopt can be a blessing to the child as many times their biological parents are unable or unwilling to fully meet the basic needs of their child. The challenges can come in many ways depending on the history and dynamics in which the child originally grew up in, even if adopted at birth.

The common perception of children who have been adopted versus being ones who were chosen is not being wanted. While adopted children’s lives are usually far better in both stability and resources, many have this lingering attachment to the birth parents which is not fully based on what the circumstances were.

This article is not intended to fully answer the many questions and variables that affect adopted children or to sway a prospective couple to adopt or not. The focus of this article is to address three areas of concern.

  1. Attachment
  2. Psychological Identity
  3. Development of the adoptive child

Prior to getting into these three areas, it is helpful to understand some of the variables of why a biological mother will either give her child up for adoption or have the child taken from her and put up for adoption against her wishes.

Based on some longitudinal studies, a high percentage of adoptions occur with the family of origin or an “Intra-family adoption.” This is very common with teen mothers who became pregnant by accident versus intent. A family member such as the mother’s parents, grandparents or extended relatives will adopt the child.

Many times children are put up for adoption because the biological parents have had their rights terminated. This can happen for a variety of reasons but the most common ones are:

  • The child is born with an illegal substance in its system such as cocaine or heroin. And the parents are unable or unwilling to comply with Child Protective Services (CPS) to maintain abstinence.
  • The child is removed from the parents due to physical or sexual abuse or significant neglect. Again the parents are unable or unwilling to comply with expectations of CPS to improve and maintain a safe and nurturing home.

The majority of other adoptions occur because the biological mother does not feel she is able to support her child and the child will do better if she is adopted to another family that has more resources.

ATTACHMENT

For purposes of this article, Attachment will be defined as “An emotional bond between a child and the primary caregiver.” Attachment is critical to the emotional and physical development of the child in the early stages of life. Bowlby did a study during the Blitz of London during the early part of World War Two. He found that babies who were orphaned and were living in hospitals would only thrive if the nurses would hold them, interact with them using eye contact, voice and facial expression, and give the baby a sense of belonging. In this critical stage if the child did not receive human touch and attention then they would develop “Failure to Thrive.” This means that their growth, ability to interact and understanding of their surrounding environment would be significantly impaired, even if they were given their basic nutritional and housing needs.

If a child grows up in a highly volatile environment where there is no sense of connection to the parent, chaos is the norm, and possibly abuse and neglect is involved, then the child may develop what is known as Reactive Attachment Disorder. Simply put, the child has minimal ability to attach, interact at the developmental level with adults and children in their age group, and may lack empathy towards others.

PSYCHOLOGICAL IDENTITY

When children are growing up they are exposed to many variables that begin the process of developing their personality, beliefs, and relationships. They identify with the cultural beliefs and values their caregivers and community have. A child who was raised in a rural setting will have significantly different values and beliefs than a child raised in an urban environment. In addition to exposure to the environment they live in, there are genetic factors that can play a role in their sense of identity and self. This can have a role in international or cross-cultural adoptions.